i change shape daily

the forest changes daily. winter – Her bare bones barely holding. And now, summer, the paths have narrowed in bloom with aliveness. 

Every morning, the Body of Earth changes a little: not even a second of stagnancy or doubt shadows Her surface. 

And just like that, our Body too mimics the movement of the Earth – oscillating between awake and resting; between stillness and dance. 

I find this forest the only place of slowness, a lack of rushing and achieving, proving, running, Somehow abundance flourishes here in this seemingly still place. 

Here, I soften in all the place that hold tightness. I find the corners that harbour heartbreak. Those corners that simmer the loneliness which comes with the knowing that I do not fully belong here.


Just like the forest, I change shape daily: mornings that strengthens into prayer, and at night I loosen into surrender. I am never the same as yesterday. our body flows in constant motion, a river that feels and loves. 

And sometimes, I tire of my unbelonging and search for places that fit around me perfectly like the arms of a lover. Sometimes I try to make myself small enough to live an ordinary love, to image a life of settling, of just surviving. For just one second, I pretend to belong into some sort of normalcy.

Yet soon enough, my soul begins to starve and my body aches daily with thirst for more. There is more to this. 

I always return to myself, somehow fuller. Like a bow and arrow, each time darkness pulls me back towards her, craving to feed on my skin, I spring back, more solid this time. 

I whisper this promise like a prayer, into my palms: you will never dissolve into false belonging, you will not accept selfish love, a life of settling for the sake of survival, selling your soul to a man-made construct of living. A promise to always search for more despite the solitude that is fundamental to your finding Home. 

***

_{“Sacrifice is a show of trust in the unknown. It is the pruning that redirects your energy toward the life of becoming. Like quitting a job only to have an opportunity appear the same afternoon, or breaking up a bad relationship only to meet your true love, there is magic in sacrifice. Life is calling you toward it, and your severance of the tethers that bind you to outgrown forms is the answering of that call. Your willingness to step into the emptiness from which all life springs is a show of devotion to your own belonging.” Toko-Pa Turner}