In the light of the mind I see with utmost clarity the cravings of the self and within this longing I carry the pain of the world. When the walls within me disappear, the illusion of separation,
I dance with nothing gripping.
I’m tired of the ones that speak only of light and transcendence. I find myself in the descent, not transcending but a dis-integration, decaying ourselves like rich compost spiralling down into the earth. Dismantling story and self.
My earth is not crystalline, but rich and dark,
like the cave of a womb, the fleshy insides of a heart,
no bright lights, but darkness.
I am floating. Remnants of a joy so deep in me, crumbs, gifts from the Journey, a testimony that beyond constructs and barriers there is joy.
My body is being stretched like a white blank canvas, pulled in the direction of past, to return to states that are knowable, to a sadness that it has been intimate with. Like a spring coiling back to its origins.
I don’t want to return, I refuse to return so I pull myself apart from what I know,
I uproot myself and refuse refuse to spring back into past places.
I now learn to flow with current. I am a river seeping through rock towards the sea that contains its full belonging.
I grip what shapes itself like the object of my longing,
I grip until my palms bleed, my body beginning to rebuild
walls and sadness, forgetfulness.
I don’t want to return.
In the light of the mind, I was shown the freedom in the release and the love within longing.
***
Journey 13/08
I am full and empty and I want to pour out with all I am.
I have become.
In this becoming I am alive and life flows in me like waters rivers words and wordlessness.
I am beyond myself and all the grips released, broken barriers brutally bare. I love so much and there is so much love in me.
I am an enormous love, I am huge. I am so big to contain love itself in a world that needs it, to hold the medicine inside my skin, I am bloodless but so alive.
I welcome the world in me
I am here now and I thank you, I thank you, I thank you.
Some night stay up till dawn as the moon does for the sun.
Be a full bucket, pulled up the dark way of a well then lifted out into the light.
Something opens our wings, something makes boredom and hurt disappear.
Someone fills the cup in front of us, we taste only sacredness.
(13th century Persian prayer)
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